Left behind, left out.

Don't fall asleep. You will be left behind or better yet, left out completely. That has happened to me so many times. Since I was small, I would be left out of outings just because I was asleep. I think nothing ever changes. Does it? Or maybe I should have just stayed asleep.

So what now?

Wow, already 2012. Time flies. Things have been happening (of course), enough to be busy.
Believe it or not, I'm employed! Hoping things will be great at the new job. I'm no longer working with mosquitoes, however. Can the name Moshunter still be applied then? Hmmm.

Anyway, so what now? A new year, and a big new chapter of my life. It's highly unwritten and I'm yet to work out my direction... at least in the long run.

My hope for this year? Well, new experiences. Hopefully the good out-weights the bad. I've had lots of bad ones or late, haven't I? Well, what didn't break you makes you stronger, right? Although, that one incident has physically weaken me.

Of people, I hope to meet them from different lives and background. Different opinions of life and thinking, except radical and non-conforming ones... because they scare me. What is the point knowing someone who is fixed on their ideas and values that cannot accept anyone else's? I find that only these people are the people I can never be friends with. I can only tolerate them. Just.

Perhaps that is a little paradoxical, since my unable to accept the non-conformists makes me a non-conformists as well... @_@.

Which leads me to re-evaluate myself. I actually do so often till like it is almost interpreted as no self-confidence. Huh, whatever, that is one opinion. I actually respect those who does more than those with so much self assurance... because most of the time, those who are so confident I find have so little to offer and can't deliver. Those who keeps evaluating themselves keeps getting better at who they are.

But self-evaluation comes more often when something in life has gone awry. What I found about myself:

1. Persistence. The will to finish what I started. If my doctorate did not reflect this, then the will to go on everyday normally in physical pain is one. Yes, it hurts everyday. Still does, though not as bad as it was. OK, so maybe not going on normally, but it is as normal as I can get. I get bad days quite often.

2. The non-conformist paradox. I may be open to a lot of opinion, but when met with one who thinks "my way is the only way" I shut down. I'll have the "so be it, but don't expect me to understand" mentality. Yep, met about a handful of these people already, especially where I am living now. It's no wonder.

3. Anger. I'm not an angry person in general. Friends told me before how I can actually take in a lot of things before I get upset. Therefore, I can have a lot of discussion with friends about nearly everything. One thing though, if I do get angry, it is usually an accumulation of things that ticks me off that will gain momentum until something sets it off. I think this is a personality trait, as I've always been like this. But I am getting better at not being too angry... well, unless I encounter someone who can really push my buttons (see previous post about 2 years back). Friends and family told me, why can I just express the unhappiness immediately. Well, that is the thing isn't it? Little things that ticks you off but left unsaid because you think it is a small thing (and I've been taught to so of "let go" of the small things) will come back at you. You may have let go, but somewhere inside that sentiment did not. You sometimes even forget why you were that ticked off. For me, the feeling is worst as I would then couple it with the guilt and fear for letting these things get to me that increases the anger further. Makes sense? Well, probably not to everyone, but if you can't try to understand that then refer to point 2 for my stance on that sentiment.

But then again, who are you judge how I express myself and my anger? Who came up with a rule book of acceptable ways to be angry? I'm not talking about extreme cases here where one get killed, ok. I'm talking about petty arguments and personality clashes. I think you can get rilled up however you want, even if I don't like it. Just don't kill anyone, and labelling people who are different in this department does not make you any smarter.

4. Shotokan way. Yep, having learnt karate the Shotokan style, I've learn so much about myself. This may be a martial art, but it is not designed for fighting apart from your inner demons. Yes, I tend avoid fights... but there was one time I had to really defend myself... OK, so karate does come in handy sometimes. But for those who fight for the sake of their opinion/ to just win. Well, I'm sorry but that's how wars are made.

5. Obstinate. When someone tells me it is something I cannot do, I sometimes get all fired up (on the inside) and try to do it to prove a point. But as I get older, I tend to compromise more... is it a bad thing? Or maybe that can be attributed to being "open-minded"? Oh dear, another paradox?

6. Pacifist. I'm actually not ashamed that I am, except on occasions when I get flustered from seeming mundane things. I should speak up more when it matters. No, speaking up for the sake of argument is NOT one.

7. Family. I moved back to this tropical country. The decision is partly to be close to family. It used to be the other way round. Mind you, my family is somewhat dysfunctional at times, but we are family. No matter what happens, I will remain in it. So that's what I found out about myself, that I do care for the family. Wonder if they feel the same?

I'll stop there. For this year, I'm hoping to discover more about myself and things I can do with my time and limitations. Have a good 2012, whoever you are.

Graduated but the pressure is greater than before

I've graduated. After all the shit that has happened, I wish I could just do some me time and think about my future. After the accident, I've been thinking that life is too short to do the things you don't want. I've always been told to dream big. So I should strive and make my dream, don't I? Yet, the irony is that then I've been told to do what everyone does and stop dreaming.

"If you truly expect to realise your dreams, abandon the need for blanket approval. If conforming to everyone's expectations is the number one goal, you have sacrificed your uniqueness, and therefore your excellence."

That is a quote of a friend who put it up on facebook. I agree, but I don't know if I have the strength to withstand the pressure of everyone's expectations. Especially when pressure comes from certain people. It's sad and frustrating.

Come to think of it, most of my life decision have always been only what I half-wanted. I say half because I always end up compromising my dream goals somehow to gain people's approval. Too late to regret now, but is it too late to stick to your guns?

Overheating

In Kuala Lumpur, the temperature is a steamy 32 celcius. I've gone for only a little while but already suffered from the heat.

Apart from that, the mossies are biting... grrr...

It's finally over!

I've done it! I've put this doorstop in the Examination School today!

What did I do to celebrate?

Made omurice for dinner >_<

Yes, I'm a bag of fun.

Mozzie News: Well, sort of...

The i5K initiative has just been in the news (ok, I'm a bit late but whatever). The plan is to sequence the genome of 5000 species of insects in the next 5 years. Of course, one of the species planned is none other than Aedes albopictus, the Asian Tiger mosquito. In case you don't know, this mosquito is medically important as it can transmit diseases such as dengue and filaria. It is also a species that has successfully colonised just about every continent on the globe, thanks to us humans unintentionally transporting them all over the world (think tyre trade). Hence, the need to curb Ae. albopictus population is important. Understanding the species (including their genome) will of course help us.

Hmmm, I did a bit of sequencing on that mosquito some 7 years ago and it was a pain since there was no genome database to reference for my project. But what's more a pain is that the sequences submitted was not in my name, but my ex-supervisor (uh huh, welcome to the science world where people are zealous when it comes to getting recognition). I digress...

So, hope this initiative will go as planned. 5000 species in 5 years is a lot of work! I wonder how many scientists are working on this? List of the main crew is on the website. For now though, the list of 5000 species to be sequenced is not yet completed. What insect would you like to see sequenced? Submit a request at the website!

Mos Cooks: Gooseberries

Argh, it is nearly 6 in the morning and I can't sleep. Maybe I should cut out on the green tea at night and get more exercise.

Anyway, bought some gooseberries because they were on sale in the supermarket. I had no idea they were going to be so tart. So I turned a whole lot of them into a crumble.

My first gooseberry crumble with vanilla cream. I don't think you can make crumble look very sexy in a picture. haha! My housemates thought it was good though.

I then took the rest and made a little gooseberry sauce to go with my haddock.

My dinner last night. A pseudo Japanese theme of rice, weak miso soup, and baked haddock with gooseberries and capers sauce. The sauce has a sweet and sour taste to it.

Have to say, the best thing about today was my purchase of beer. Erdinger wheat beer after dinner! yay!

World Oceans Day

Today is World Oceans Day. Is there anyone does not care about our oceans? They cover about 71% of our planet. They house hundred thousands of species... and that is only the ones we humans found. There are always new species to be found in the ocean. The ocean also provide us with (obviously) water, food source, and the oxygen that we need... of course, that is only the basic needs, but the ocean gives us much much more. So do think about the ocean today, and how we can preserve/improve it for our future.

Mos Cooks: Coffee Agar dessert - and my birthday.

Felt like making agar dessert today. So I opened that sachet of powder agar. It's the first time using this and I have to say the instruction of 10g per liter of liquid makes the jelly too firm for my liking. I think I'm going for 0.5% agar next time... it works for my electrophoresis gel, so should be ok for making jellies too, no?

So here is it my first coffee and cream agar dessert.

In big blocks...

In fingers...

It was my birthday a couple days back. Had a small gathering of friends in London for dinner. We had a good time chatting and enjoying the food and cracking lame jokes. My friend A baked me some whoopie pies to my surprise (okay, it was actually baked for a cookbook photoshoot, but it's the thought that counts). It's the first time I've ever had them.

A and R got a little sugary sign on one of the whoopies. Oh, the weather that day was superbly warm, but that was bad news for the whoopies...

Box number 2: more whoopie pies!

Sigh, another year older... good news thought that my thesis has finally got the OK!

Mos Bakes: Lemon sponge cake with vanilla whipped cream and strawberries

In between the thesis and job hunting and paper writing, the tendency to bake increases...
Summertime (although the weather has been really rubbish until recently) makes me feel like baking something light and with strawberries. So this is what I made!



A light and airy lemon sponge with vanilla infused whipped cream and fresh strawberries. You can see the black specks of vanilla seed in the cream. It is from the Balinese vanilla pod I picked up while on holiday there like 2 years ago. The vanilla pod was a bit stiff, but the fragrance is all there still.



A slice of the cake. Love it, although I think I should be more generous with the cream next time. :)

Mossie News: Smell you later!

So it was reported that a team has successfully isolated some chemicals that could be used to deter mosquito from biting, theBBC reported. This was a Nature paper, but too bad I don't have excess to free journals anymore so I can't read this article in full. The BBC has not a lot of info as well, but from what I can gather from Nature, 2,3-butandione is one of the "smelly chemicals" that can disrupt the mosquito's excellent carbon dioxide detection to locate a host.
Hmmm, a new type of deterrent? interesting! I wonder if these can be made into personal repellents?

Holiday in Italy

So did I do in May? I went to Italy, and visited a good friend that lives in Cosenza. There was plenty of fun.

My friend works at the University of Calabria. Check out this bridge that suspends five stories above and between buildings. There is a bus that moves on here to bring you from one end of the campus to the other.


Beautiful landscape of Maratea, Italy.


Deers in the woods of Sila National Park, Calabria, Italy.

After a brief tour of the South, I went on Tuscany.

Florence. Too many tourist.

Lied down on the lawn at Pisa. I was pretty exhausted that day.

Is this year going to be a year of travels? I hope so. :P

Oh, it's June already?

Ale is well

Well, almost. I'm still fixing a few more bugs in my dreaded thesis. Seriously, its so hard to please everyone and I feel like sometimes this thesis is not my own, but to write it as how other people want it. I'm not gonna argue too much now, because I'm really tired of correcting and re-correcting the corrections. I just hope that the re-re-corrections are something that all can agree on!

At least I got a break up in the Yorkshire Dales. Walking makes you really happy. Also, some lovely ales to cheer you up.

Settle Up. A local Yorkshire beer that is light in colour. Lovely fruity taste.


I love Innis and Gunns. Not local (made in Scotland). Is an IPA and I love it! lovely oaky taste makes it almost like chocolate.



The dark Moonraker ale. I think it was local... and tasted lighter than it looks.


A view of Yorkshire from Pen-Y-Ghent Mountain. Lovely!

Back where is oh so cold... freezing our butts off by the Thames.

From the tropical paradise like this...
Back to the cold crowded Boat Race.


After a relaxing holiday, I'm back in Londonium. Boo, didn't want the vacation to end. I had a good time diving with Ping and co. Had someone who actually looked at my shoulder problem and fixed it somewhat. I'm beginning to feel that perhaps if I were to work in Kuala Lumpur, it wouldn't be such a bad idea. Well, except for the traffic. I think I could have a heart attack if I were to drive there. No wonder everyone seemed so stressed on the road.

So back in London in time to witness the Oxbridge annual boat race in the freezing temperature by Putney Bridge. Can't believe the amount of people that turned up for this event. Damn I should have gone to the betting shop and put some money down for Oxford. Yeah, surprised that Oxford finally killed their losing streak. I did actually feel proud. Go Dark Blues!

Patience running out

GAH! How long does it take to type up a medical report????

The consultant I saw here promised me that the medical report will be ready before the 17th, yet I haven't received it. I called so many times and all I got was "Oh, it isn't ready yet. I'll remind the doctor..." IT HAS BEEN OVER A MONTH! HELLO???

How in the world do you get people to expedite your request... or more like keep their promises? I feel like being rude to them but I can't...

So far in 2011...

Having a big break in Kuala Lumpur staying with the Ping. Since medical care in general is cheaper here, I've done a consultation. Three MRIs and numerous X-rays later, I'm told that my rotator cuff is partially torn... my shoulder is so full of scar tissues it looks like streaky bacon. Good thing is my cervical spine is still ok and the wrist has minimal damage. Now if the consultant would just quickly send me that darn medical report...

So all that I'm back with physio, but their approach here isn't how physio were in the UK. My therapist said that in order for me to stretch out and build my muscles, I've got to break down all that scar tissues that keeps the muscles tightly bound. Also been seeing an osteopath recommended by the Ping who stomps on my shoulder and yanks my spine. So my days are just filled with treatments and surprisingly I'm left with little time to do anything else. Well, there is also the fact that I'm kinda exhausted too from the treatments and the heat.

So that's what's been happening for me in the year 2011 so far... a time for me to fix myself from the aftermath of a traffic collision and thesising. Then, we'll see what it is I'll be moving on to.

The year that was 2010

The year that was 2010 for me:

1. The coldest winter I've witnessed yet in the UK. -15 celsius!
2.a. someone I met before died way before his time. makes me feel so sad even though I didn't really know him. But just the thought of someone so young had to go is just unfair.
2.b. Also another family friend passed away.
2.c. And John Clarke, a senior fellow in Oxford's Zoology. He was such a friendly guy. Kinda missed him walking around Darwin's cafe, talking to anyone there over coffee.
3. Grandad passed away. May he be at peace. Love you, Grandad.
4. finished writing my monster of a thesis. yay.
5. Still suing someone for my accident.
6. gone to Barcelona. Again.
7. Gone to Paris to watch the greatest britpop band ever: Suede!
8. Ate a macaron for the first time in Paris. Oo la la!
9. Moved back to London... sort of.
10. Passed my viva. hoping now that my corrections were good enough to put the doctoral in the bag for sure. Argh, the pressure.

It's been a bit of a rollercoaster year for me. Mostly due to studies... am glad the worst of it is over. I think there were some highlights in the year, but I feel it's been a tough year overall.

Happy 2011! Here's to the new year. May it be a better, peaceful, and successful year for us all.

Winter holiday prep

Oh the joy of going to a warm country for the winter holidays. Hopefully Heathrow will be opened for my flight. I can't wait to get out of here! But now, time to the holiday prep frenzy.

Annoying thing #2

The clocks go back this weekend. Daylight savings time only makes me (and other people too I'm sure) confused of the time. Does putting the hour back makes any difference really other than making people mess up their clocks? No!

Annoying thing #1

Right now, the most annoying thing to me is the neighbour playing loud music. I'm currently living in an apartment building, and so I haven't a clue which neighbour is playing this loud music because it sounds like it's in my living room...
What is it with these people being so inconsiderate? Sure, sometimes you are a bit too loud without intentionally too, but on a regular basis? Booming their stereo at deafening volume and often in the wee hours of the morning? How are they not deaf yet? How can they also ignore the rest of the neighbours who complained? Seriously, I'd wish I was as big as The Terminator and bash them in the head.
But it isn't just neighbours that are loud. Only a couple of days ago in a bus a guy had his handphone radio on to some hip-hop music at full speaker volume, probably thinking he was some cool underwear-showing-becauseIcan'tputmytrousersoright gangsta. What makes them think they had the right to annoy everyone (or most people? maybe someone in the packed but enjoyed having some beat going in a cramped bus who knows) in a public transport.

OK. Rant over. back to work.