Sunday. A few new friends and I took a trip down to Magdalen College for an all nighter movie marathon, hoping to brush away this dark cloud that is building within me. Magdalen as some may have known, is one of the more well known Oxford colleges, and more recently as one of the colleges used for the Harry Porter movies. We stayed awake the whole night, watching films that require little or no brain power. Then at 6 am May Day, we braved the rain and cold, and gathered in the courtyard to witness an annual tradition that dates back to the 4th century called Evensong. Above the Magdalen Tower, the choristers gathered and as the soon as the bell in the tower finished ringing six time, they started to sing, it was as if everything was frozen, except for the hymn that echoed into the stillness. Then there was a short latin prayer, and another hymn. Somehow, it was a calming experience, even though I was still carrying a gloom along with me...
I guess that the previous weeks' positivity is at it's end, I am back to the melancholy that is too familiar. I remember my teenage years, when nearly everyday was like this... even to a point where I could barely move to do anything. It's sometimes amazing how I could have gotten myself somewhat afloat again, even if it isn't so well done. But hey, I'm still here, fighting year after year to maintain buoyancy... And here again I feel that same dead weight that wants to drag me down into the deeps of despair.
So as I was standing on the grass of the courtyard, looking up at Magdalen Tower, I wonder what is it I am here for... I now remind myself of a quote from a former Magdalen college student:
"The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for."
- Oscar Wilde, 1854 - 1900
I hope you are right, Mr. Wilde. I hope you are right...
Now, I wonder how many idiotic students has jumped off Magdalen Bridge into the shallow river Cherwell as part of a May Day celebration this year?
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